Wherever He Leads I’ll Go

Bring It On

More than 16 years ago now, I stood at my bathroom vanity on the phone and listened as my father explained to me how he didn’t think we were going to get much of a break between the death of my mother – whom we had buried only two weeks prior – and the death of my brother, Robin.  I struggle with writing this now almost as much as I struggled with comprehending the reality of the situation then.  My brother had been diagnosed with cancer about two years before.  He was five years older than me, and had been my hero growing up.  He was Superman.  He was adventurous, athletic, brave, beautiful, and I was pretty sure he could leap tall buildings in a single bound.  It was unthinkable that at just 38 years old he had already found his kryptonite, but it was unbearable to face the loss of both my mother and my brother at the same time.

My mother had been diagnosed with cancer as well only weeks before her death.  It was totally unexpected.  The family had known about Robin for quite some time.  We had watched him suffer treatment and all the effects it had on his body.  We saw the terrible pain he endured as the cancer spread and invaded various parts of his body.  Through it all, we hoped, prayed, longed, begged, feared, and everything else.  But mother’s diagnosis was a shock.  Not like a bomb that hits the ground and everything just blows up.  That actually seems more kind.  It was more like a tsunami.  The waves started out deep in the ocean – far from land – deceitfully peaceful.  By the time it hit the shore, the wave was 100 feet high.  The power of it was all consuming, and it seemed to take with it all the hope I had of either of them beating this thing.  There was nowhere to run.  How could we possibly be facing the loss of both of them?  How could we survive it?

So I listened silently as my father explained how my brother was rapidly going downhill.  My father is a doctor and is not in the habit of mincing words when it comes to medicine and health.  I was silent as he talked.  So many thoughts were swirling through my head including how my dad had just buried the love of his life and now he was watching his little boy lose his battle with cancer.  I had a fleeting thought – a feeling really – if I could somehow jump tracks onto another line, like a railway, and escape my life.  If I could just change the course of things…  It was such a fleeting feeling I’ve never really been able to explain it, but it was quickly replaced by something else.  Something else that I’ve also struggled with defining.  After my father announced that we might have about two weeks before we lost Robin, I said, “Bring it on.  Just bring it on.”  There were no other words I could use to convey my thoughts and feelings.  I have no idea what my father thought about what I said – if he understood me.  My dad didn’t have any kind of response to me that required further explanation.  I couldn’t have explained it then if I’d tried.

It’s simple really.  There had been such a feeling of desperation for so long.  I so did not want any of this to go the way it did.  None of us did.  But in that moment, with those words, I defiantly surrendered to God.  I didn’t have to understand.  I didn’t have to like it.  I just knew that His will be done.  Not mine.  I would accept it, whatever it was, and I knew that He would be with me through it.  Wherever He would lead me…I would go.  I would worship Him no matter the outcome of this situation.  No matter if my prayers wouldn’t be answered the way I’d hoped.  No matter if He led me down a path with so much pain.  He would lead me, and I would go.

Trust Jesus

I reflect on all of this today as a friend of mine is laid to rest.  I know how much his family has been through – all the feelings of hope, fear, and desperation.  I know the dark tunnel they feel they are in right now.  But I also know there is light at the end of that tunnel.  That light is Jesus Christ.  He is shining brightly to guide you.  Lean on Him.  Look to Him.  Seek Him.  He will lead you out of whatever darkness you are in.  It doesn’t have to be the death of a loved one.  You could be suffering from anything.  Jesus is still your answer.

You see my friend, we must be willing to follow Jesus wherever He leads.  Not just when it’s through the green valleys and days of sunshine, but also when it’s through the desert or in the middle of a thunderstorm.  Not just in our happiness and joy, but in our great sorrow and pain.  We must trust Jesus.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.  Proverbs 3:5-6

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.  Romans 15:13

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  Joshua 1:9

But I have trusted in thy mercy; My heart shall rejoice in thy salvation.  Psalm 13:5

Some trust in chariots, and some in horses: But we will remember the name of the Lord our God.  Psalm 20:7

What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, In God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.  Psalm 56:3-4

Friends, Jesus is there with us in our suffering.  He will comfort us.  He will guide us through it.  We will suffer in life.  At some point, all of us will experience suffering.  Whatever your particular circumstance is, no matter how bad you feel it is, trust in Jesus.  Have the faith to surrender your suffering to Him.  Be willing to say, “Wherever He leads I’ll go.”  

Take up thy cross and follow Me
I heard my Master say
I gave My life to ransom thee
Surrender your all today

Wherever He leads I’ll go
Wherever He leads I’ll go
I’ll follow my Christ who loves me so
Wherever He leads I’ll go

He drew me closer to His side
I sought His will to know
And in that will I now abide
Wherever He leads I’ll go

Wherever He leads I’ll go
Wherever He leads I’ll go
I’ll follow my Christ who loves me so
Wherever He leads I’ll go

My heart, my life, my all I bring
To Christ who loves me so
He is my Master, Lord, and King

Wherever He leads I’ll go
Wherever He leads I’ll go
I’ll follow my Christ who loves me so
Wherever He leads I’ll go

Wherever He leads I’ll go

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