What a Relief!

A Part of Life

One night, we were awakened by the ringing of the telephone.  My husband, Darryl, got up to answer it in the living room.  I was not fully awake, but I was very much aware that it was deep in the night.  Phone calls this late are never good news.  I lay there struggling with the reality of that and trying to pretend that maybe the phone hadn’t rang, or somehow it would just be a wrong number, or some other benign happening.  Unfortunately, we had lost my mother, my brother, and a few others not too long before, so I was a bit jaded.  As if I had just accepted that the worst would always happen – it was just a part of life.  The only good reason I could think of for someone to call this late would be to tell of the birth of a baby, and no one I knew was pregnant at the time.

Darryl came back into the bedroom and tried to hand me the phone.  I moaned, “Huh uh,” and waved him off.  I thought if I could avoid talking on the phone that whatever bad thing had happened would somehow magically reverse itself.  My deepest fear was that my brother, Johnny, was on the other end and was going to tell me that his son, Patrick, had been killed in Iraq.  I just couldn’t take it.  I did not want to hear those words come out of his mouth.  I didn’t think our family could survive anymore loss, and I just couldn’t imagine how my brother would be able to deal with it.  Darryl quickly said, “It’s Barbara.”  My Aunt Barbara is my mother’s only sister.  I couldn’t imagine what she was calling about, but I knew it wasn’t bad news about my nephew, so I sat up in bed and took the phone.

Most of my mother’s side of the family lives in Oklahoma.  Darryl and I had moved to Missouri many years before this.  I spent my childhood in the bosom of my mother’s family.  We went to school with our cousins, and to church with aunts, uncles, and our Mamaw & Papaw.  Papaw was a preacher, but he didn’t lead our congregation.  He preached when he was asked at various places and witnessed for the Lord.  I remember his sermons well, but Papaw had died when I was only 16 years old.  We had all learned to live our lives knowing we would never see him again this side of Eternity.

I listened on the phone as my Aunt Barbara cried and told me that my Mamaw had just passed away.  I sat there mostly numb as she explained how Mamaw had been admitted to the hospital just the day before and now she was gone.  My mind raced with memories and I was filled with my love for her, along with regrets over all the things I shoulda, coulda, woulda done.  Mamaw was half Native American – Choctaw.  She had beautiful dark skin and dark hair in her younger days.  She kept her hair long for many years and wore it in a bun.  When I stayed the night with them as a child, I would take a place beside her in the living room while she removed the bobby-pins from her hair in preparation to go to bed.  I sat fascinated watching her brush through the long black hair splattered with strands of silver.  It was so beautiful to me.  She loved her family, loved life, and most importantly – she loved the Lord.  These were just some of the lessons she taught me throughout her life.

Mixed Feelings

I have to be honest and tell you that along with the numbness and grief I felt in that moment was an overwhelming sense of relief.  That may sound completely shocking or terrible or both to some of you.  But, I was so relieved that it was Mamaw instead of Patrick.  Yes, Mamaw had lived a wonderful long life – 91 years, but what gave me relief was the fact that I felt assured that she knew the Lord as her personal Savior.  Patrick was young – in his early 20s – and I didn’t know the state of his soul.  I had not been exposed to his profession of faith or talked with him about the Bible or his relationship with Jesus.  I just didn’t know, and I didn’t want to be faced with that kind of uncertainty coupled with the loss of him.

Being Alone

All these thoughts and feelings happened much faster than I am able to write about them.  A few seconds is all it took my brain to run through it.  As my Aunt Barbara continued, she was upset at the thought that Mamaw had been alone in the hospital with only the nurses beside her as she passed from this life.  The event had gone from critical to fatal in a few short moments.  “She was alone.  She was all alone,” Barbara informed me.  I immediately replied, “She wasn’t alone, Barbara.  She was never alone.”  I was overcome with the fact that Jesus had been with her every second of her life, in the moment of her death, and He was with her now in Glory.  It was such a relief to know that.

She was reunited with my Papaw, her daughter, and countless others who had gone on before her in whose absence she had come to accept a new normal.  Each bringing a sense of loss that she would have to bear.  It was our turn now to carry the burden of losing her.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you, (Deuteronomy 3:16).

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord, (Romans 8:38-39).

Never Alone

I accepted Jesus as my personal Savior when I was just a teenager.  Because of that, I am never alone.  Jesus promised when He issued the Great Commission that He would never leave us:

Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world, (Matthew 28:20).

The Holy Spirit dwells inside me and is with me every second of my life.  That is such a comfort to me – so glorious to know that a part of the God who spoke the universe into existence and defeated the grave lives in me.

Wow!

That’s a big, BIG deal!

That deserves a hallelujah…

HALLELUJAH!

Having Divine Relief

My Christian friend, if you feel like you are alone, you’re not.  That feeling of isolation or abandonment is straight from the depths of Hell.  Satan would like for you to believe that you are alone, but you are not.  Satan is the Father of Lies.  God NEVER lies.  He isn’t even capable of it.  You can rest assured in the countless verses found in scripture that God is always with you.

Always.

It brings me great pleasure to know that I will see Mamaw again, as well as my other friends and loved ones who knew Christ.  As the hymnal says, “That will be a glad reunion day”.  I’m also happy to report that I had that talk with my nephew, Patrick, and he is a saved man.  Oh, what a relief it is!  Glory be to God!

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